about loss – a poem for my grandmother

i think about you every day
not knowing how to accept the fact that you’re gone
that you will never hear any of the words i might like to say

there’s no way to escape
something is pressing me against the wall
this, i don’t possess the knowledge how to fight

you were always interested in what i am going through
and i want to tell you
that there’s so much i have yet to prove

maybe we couldn’t change this
maybe it was predestinated to happen,
written somewhere in the stars above us
but it just doesn’t feel right that you will turn to dust

i can play with my words,
i can listen to sad songs
but still, i will miss the way you held me tight 
still, i will feel like drowning in the night

no one has such an expressive voice
no one has such energy entering every corner of a room 
well, no one is able to make such a noise

i miss our gossip talks
magazine pages flipping in the summer air

this scene is unreachable and will never come back

now all that’s left of us is a pain
you used to bring us so much joy
now you lie there in the dark soil