on our date fifty-four months from now <\/p>\n\n\n\n
you are thirty
wearing new clothes
talking with a voice rougher than i remember <\/p>\n\n\n\n
you seem confident as you always have
and you still make me smile <\/p>\n\n\n\n
i am twenty-five
i have finally figured out my style
but today i look feminine, a little too much
’cause i think that’s how you like it <\/p>\n\n\n\n
i don’t wear glasses anymore
and i seem a bit exhausted from school
but the spring has been going good, i tell you <\/p>\n\n\n\n
we both have been going to the gym past few weeks
our bodies look strong
but what about our minds, dear, what about our minds<\/p>\n\n\n\n
i can see it in the wrinkles around your eyes
i can see it in the way you laugh
for too long
as if you were afraid you’ll never get to laugh again<\/p>\n\n\n\n
what were those years like, i want to ask <\/p>\n\n\n\n
instead, i talk about my studies
and why i haven’t abandoned them
you talk about your job
and why you haven’t abandoned it<\/p>\n\n\n\n
you mention some colleagues and friends i remember
and ask about mine<\/p>\n\n\n\n
on our date fifty-four months from now
there are moments when you look at me directly
but it’s as if i wasn’t even there
you can’t catch me
and truly make an eye contact<\/p>\n\n\n\n
i have never been able to look into the eyes of a pain
into the eyes of a boy i loved
into the eyes of you<\/p>\n\n\n\n
on our date fifty-four months from now
part of me still aches for you<\/p>\n\n\n\n
in a way i am still
twenty years old girl
first semester of university, Coronavirus and you
you in my mind
but out of my arms<\/p>\n\n\n\n
i cannot look at you for that i could break
your eyes reflect everything i have been avoiding
my loneliness and my questions
the chaos of my mind<\/p>\n\n\n\n
i honestly don’t know
if on our date fifty-four months from now
we stand a chance<\/p>\n\n\n\n
or if we just remind ourselves
i have loved you
i have caused you pain
i have left you
you have let me<\/p>\n\n\n\n
and then, fifty-four months from now
you may return
to the arms of a woman waiting for you home
to her who understands
to her who let you go but was nervous the whole evening<\/p>\n\n\n\n
to her, so different from me
but that’s what you needed, i know<\/p>\n\n\n\n
and maybe, fifty-four months from now
it will be okay
we’ll make a closure and it will be okay<\/p>\n\n\n\n
we’ll make a closure i began
when i woke up next to someone else
a closure you began when you bought that ring
you hide in your old room
i believe somewhere in that mess
are photos of me as well<\/p>\n\n\n\n
and maybe i have crossed you mind there in that shop
she would murder her, you though
but she’s always said she wanted me to be happy
and then you maybe smiled<\/p>\n\n\n\n
listen, i have smiled too
for a thousand of times when i thought of you
you exist
you are good one
you made me happy
i used to say<\/p>\n\n\n\n
and to repeat those words
could be the only thing that kept me sane<\/p>\n\n\n\n
i confess all this to you
on our date fifty-four months from now<\/p>\n\n\n\n
and this is goodbye
this is for good
but our hearts aren’t breaking like they did five years ago
when we were younger
weaker
and hopelessly in love<\/p>\n\n\n\n
there are tears in our eyes but it’s just nostalgia<\/p>\n\n\n\n
the real life starts now, i realise
we’ll marry and have kids and still think of each other from time to time<\/p>\n\n\n\n
i kiss your cheek like i promised a long time ago
i kiss you as i wasn’t able to at the end<\/p>\n\n\n\n
you hug me tight and long
you hug me as on out first date
for the first moment, my chest feels hard<\/p>\n\n\n\n
he is leaving once again, my evil mind whispers
i am not breaking, no, but some parts are cracking<\/p>\n\n\n\n
we have loved each other so much
and memories don’t hurt until we touch
just for a while
they feel good<\/p>\n